Soapbox Rant

So my challenge kind of fell by the wayside this Labor Day weekend. Instead of giving up, I'm just going to pick back up where I left off. Write Every Day.

I think I may get up on my soapbox for a minute. I'm really tired of all the hatred in this country these days. I realize there were times in the history of the United States where there was more hatred floating around, but I feel like we have evolved, learned, and become a better country. So why all the hatred?

All these people speak of "family values." Here's the problem: not everyone has the same definition of family. I have this old, 1974 edition of The Merriam-Webster Dictionary that used to be my mom's, which I use often. Here's the definition of family found there:

fam•i•ly \'fam-(ə-)lē\ n, pl -lies 1: a group of persons of common ancestry: CLAN 2: a group of individuals living under one roof and under one head: HOUSEHOLD 3: a social group composed of parents and their children 4: a group of related persons, lower animals or plants; also : a group of things having common characteristics

So, yes, this is a major definition of family. But it seems like, these days, most people automatically think of a family unit comprised of a mother and a father and children. But the thing is, that is only one type of family unit. There are families comprised of divorced parents, families where one or both of the divorced parents have remarried, families where there is only one parent (whether by neglect on one parent's side or by death), and blended families with children from each previous marriage. And this is only the tip of the iceberg. There are families with adopted children and foster children. There are families of married couples with no children. There are extended families, grandparents who move in with their adult children, grandparents or aunts or uncles that take care of the children. Cousins living in the same house. Children who have had both parents die, who are living with people who are not blood relatives, but godparents or friends of their parents, whom they had maybe never met but are now family. And then there are the controversial ones: the unwed mothers and unmarried couples living together with or without children, couples of mixed races, and the homosexual couples with or without children. I'm sure I've forgotten someone.

Another way to look at it is to think of yourself. How did you define your family as you've grown? As a baby, most likely your only family was you, your parents and your siblings. Maybe a few close grandparents or other family. As you got older, your aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. came into the mix. You may have lost a family member or two or more. Then as you become a young adult, you may view your family as separate from you as you venture out on your own. Your parents may become extended family, especially if you find a spouse or partner. If you have children, you now become the adult in the family unit, and your whole perspective of family may change. As your own children grow and find their own spouses and have their own children, your view of family may change even more. If you do not have any children, grandchildren, etc., your view of family may stay the same as it was when you were a child, might include a spouse or partner, or it might simply be just you.

Then there are the changing roles of everyone in the family. You start out being a child, a sister, a brother, a niece, a nephew, a cousin, a grandchild. You may grow to be an aunt, an uncle, a mother, a father, a grandparent, a great aunt, a great uncle. Within those roles, you are expected to act a different way. And these expectations change with the times. Mothers were, until quite recently (and in some places, still are), expected to do all of the housework, do the child rearing, and abstain from working outside the home. I am a stay-at-home mom, but I think that I am a minority in that respect.

Then you have different cultures that come into play.

My point is, when people realize that every family unit is different, and that everyone views family differently, and that the roles of family are always changing, you can't expect everyone's "family values" to be the same. Where I live, though, it seems like this term means putting family and Christian faith first. It means that if you have "family values," you are pro-life and conservative and a Christian. Now, I know this is a generalization and that not everyone may feel this way. But it seems to me that this is what politicians, at least in my state and a few nearby, mean when they say "family values." It's like saying that you don't value your family if you don't agree with these viewpoints. They speak of morality, and I think they also don't understand that everyone has different morals, along with different "family values." Yes, we all know that murder is bad. Yes, we all know that slavery is wrong. Yes, we've all been taught the golden rule. But I also thought that, at least in America, we've kind of come to the conclusion that hate is wrong. That prejudice is wrong. That all men (and women) are created equal.

I have a son, and I plan on raising him right. Or what I think is right, which, in my state, might be considered wrong. I will raise him to be kind to his fellow humans. I will teach him to respect his elders, to be polite, and to not hurt anyone. I will raise him to be kind to animals. I will raise him to try to put himself into the shoes of others, to try and understand why people do the things that they do, rather than condemning their actions. I will raise him to understand that men and women are equal. That no one is superior to anyone else, whether you are white, black, brown, American, Mexican, British, Iraqi, Chinese, Korean, Pakistani, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, Agnostic, Atheist, tall, short, thin, fat, pretty, ugly, straight, gay, bisexual, transsexual, rich, poor, male, female, Republican, or Democrat. He will learn that we are all human. We are all equal, and, in America, we all have the same rights and should all have the same opportunities. I will teach him, that, above all else, kindness is the highest virtue. I will not teach him to be intolerant. I will not teach him to hate.